Oral Presentation

Does Oral Sex Still Belong in a Married Relationship?

Marriage is often seen as the deathbed of oral sex. Statistics show that married couples will perform much less oral sex than single or dating couples, for multiple reasons. Oral still has its place in a healthy sex life, so here are some tips on how to keep it a functional option for you and your spouse:

 

DON'T: Ask for or expect it

Most people surveyed feel like being asked or having it expected for oral sex puts unnecessary pressure on them to do the deed, let alone motivate themselves to seem like they enjoy it. On the flip side, some partners could also see it as doing a favour and then expect the other to reciprocate with something else later.

 

DO: Read the signs

In the mood for giving? Well receiving oral sex is not always a slam-dunk (despite what your favorite adult movies have taught you). Not everyone is ready to have their partner spring out the blue and get ready to chow down downtown after coming home from a long day at work. Best tip? Look for signs that show that your partner is frisky and up for it. Start with a kiss and then slowly move down while kissing through the torso towards the genital area. If they seem into it and haven't stopped you by then, you're good to go.

DON'T: Worry about making it romantic

There's nothing really romantic about giving your partner's genitals mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. So please don't creep out your spouse by trying to make the mood romantic or thinking you need to make eye contact with loving eyes while your head is between their legs. Oral is was it is and although it's awesome, it doesn't really top anyone's charts for being romantic. We recommend that oral is best enjoyed with eyes closed and focusing on the sensation, both for the giver as well as the receiver.

DO: Be careful for your health

In a recent study, oral (throat / tongue / mouth) cancer rates have jumped 61% since 2011, especially in men with the direct link being made to the HPV virus and oral sex. Be sure to keep up-to-date with proper health followups including getting the HPV vaccine regardless of your gender if it is recommended by your medical professional.

DO: Use toppings

Let's be honest - no matter what your take on oral sex is, the taste left in your mouth does not necessarily make anyone's top ten list of gastronomic pleasures for either sexes. Easy way to enhance your taste buds is to serve up your spouse as dessert by using whipped cream, chocolate syrup or any gooey or sweet topping of you choice.

DO: Have a go in the shower

Showers are the ultimate place for giving oral. It's easy to have your partner washed and fresh, clean-up is a breeze and the running water just helps everything move along.


DO: Maintain proper grooming habits

Nothing is worse than having to stop oral sex to pick pubic hair off your tongue or from your teeth. If you want to keep a welcome mat out in case your partner decides to visit your front door, make sure you do proper grooming to any hair down there and keep all the moving parts clean, washed and hygienic.

 

DON'T: Use the 69 position

The often over-rated "69" oral sex position hardly ever works in real life. Unless you're perfectly matched in height and proportions to your spouse, one of you will cramp up. Even if you do match, it is almost impossible to both finish at the same time meaning one of you will be left with a mess in your mouth and your partner's junk in your face while they half-heartedly pretend to still be as into it while trying to finish you off as fast as possible.

-BSYNH

 

Question of the Day: Please Help me Take Awesome Boudoir Photos!!!

One of our most popular articles this year was about how to do sexy DIY boudoir photoshoot. While going with a reputable professional is always a good idea for this type of photography, many women (and a few men too!) cannot do so for financial or personal reasons. And if you have a decent camera and up for the task, why not try?

So in response to the comments and various email questions, we see some of you wanted to know what you could do if you've tried to take some photos of your own (or with a non-professional friend) and you're disappointed by the results? Well, don't give up! Boudoir photography is a great way to feel good about yourself, it's downright sexy and a great way to spice things up with your spouse. Luckily, our good friend and photography enthusiast Marie-Anne is here with her tips and tricks of the trade!

-BSYNH

Hello friends!

Taking boudoir photos should be a fun, exciting and a sexy experience for you - everyone is sexy in their own way no matter what your height, measurements or body type - it's just a matter of finding the right conditions for the camera to see that too! OK, so maybe not everyone has the body type of the girl in the photo below, but that's not a reason why you can't be the sexy star of a photoshoot and produce some pictures that will set your lucky spouse's heart aflutter! The trick is to find what poses and camera shots work for you. Here are some of my tips and tricks that should help you to be happier with your experience ... and your results!

DON'T: Stress out!!! It's not just about taking pictures - the whole process should be fun!

Don't just think of this is a photoshoot: soooo many people get nervous about going in front of the camera in various states of undress that it distracts them form all the fun up front! Yes, the camera clicks are an important part of this but that is actually a small part of the whole "boudoir star" experience! Have fun in the weeks leading up to the day by trying on and buying sexy clothes, jewelry and lingerie. Think about what side of you do you want to show to the camera? Fun? Flirty? Naughty? What themes, poses or props should you use to achieve this - think about and see what works for you.

Finally, pamper yourself as well! Get your nails and hair done or even hit the spa the morning of the photoshoot. Also, keep thinking about what your spouse will think when they see the photos and what they will think of you!

DO: Wear stockings and / or heels

Ha-Ha "bare feet are for the beach" says the original article on here ... and that is so true! There is a reason why most boudoir photos show thigh-high stockings and heels. To the camera, stockings add definition and are a great way to make your legs look slimmer; large-width stay-up bands will make your thighs seem smaller as they cut them in half. Heels lengthen your leg and draw the eye, giving an overall slimming effect to your rock-star gams. These are two easy wardrobe tricks that flatter you on camera and just makes you look even sexier as well!

DO: Online research

Look online for ideas about what to wear and poses. Pay attention to the details such as the angle of the torso to the camera, the tilt angle of the head, arm / leg positions and lighting conditions or shadows. See what you like!

DON'T: Think you have to match what you see on Pinterest!

As per the above "DO" tip, the goal of looking at photos online is to get ideas, not look like the girl in the photo! You are you and you will look great your way!

DO: Play with lighting

Feeling camera shy and don't want to expose it all? You can do a lot by using backlighting (silhouette) or spot-lighting (shadow) to show off part of your sexy curves or highlight a specific feature. Playing with different coloured lights can give fun effects too!

 

DO: Take close-ups

If you feel you don't have the perfect body for taking head-to-toe shots, take more defined shots of some of your best (or your spouse's favorite) features. You'll feel more comfortable and sexy, you'll also have an easier time finding a pose that works and the results are usually pretty amazing so you'll be much happier!

DON'T: Photoshop

Digital enhancements are common in magazines and the media. At most you can use computer photo software as a way to "post-process" photographs (crop, go from colour to black/white) but try to avoid enhancing yourself in the images. The end results usually are better by just playing with the things I'm mentioning in this article (wardrobe, camera angles, lighting, focus) and if you do it right you won't need digital magic to make yourself look sexy!

DO: Use the sitting pose to your advantage

Don't discount the seated pose if you feel shy about how certain body parts look on camera. A low bench will put your legs and thighs up higher when seated, easily coving the lower tummy area if you don't want to show it. Leaning forward while seated when paired with the right bra will make you easily go up by two cup sizes on camera. When seated, arms and hands can be positioned almost anywhere to look sexy and cover or draw attention as desired on the body. In my opinion, regardless of whether you're trying to cover up or go cover girl, this pose isn't used often enough - it's a sexy look for almost everyone!

DO: Use Mirrors

Use mirrors to double-up and show off your best assets! It's two great views for the price of one in the same camera shot. If you got it, you should flaunt it - twice!

 

DO: Play with the camera focus

If you have the right camera equipment, play with the focus in your shots for artistic effects or to show parts of your body more subtly in the shot. Focusing on near objects while you are mostly spread in the background helps tone down any parts of your body that you may be shy about showing front and center in the shot. But your poor spouse will be squinting at the photo trying to see more!

DON'T: Think you have to be naked!

You don't need to be nude or in scant lingerie to look sexy! Yes, boudoir photography sessions are typically underwear photoshoots by definition, but there are plenty of ways to look sexy while still being somewhat covered up. For example: wearing things like a sexy long coat and nothing else, putting on your spouse's dress shirt or donning a sports jersey. Want to score bonus points? Get the jersey photo of you autographed by their favorite player and give it as a gift!

 

 

 

I hope these tips will be helpful for you. Good luck and most importantly have fun being sexy for the camera! You are beautiful!

-MA

 

 

 

 

 



Five ways to Have a Sexy Halloween with Your Spouse

Make a Fun and Sexy Halloween Tradition

Halloween is one of the greatest nights as a kid (hellooo ... free candy!) but there is no reason why mature married couples can't get in on the fun, with or without kids. Here are some tips on how you can turn Halloween in a fun yearly reminder to spend some sexy quality time with your spouse

Dressing up

Once the kids are in bed, make a couple tradition to dress up and role play on Halloween night. You can make the activity fun by either going with a set theme or storyline, or by setting a price limit and buying each other a costume to wear. There a many different activities and ideas online to suit every taste and effort / fantasy level. Think of sexy things to do or find games to play while in dress-up mode; there are endless fun possibilities especially if you both get into character.

Make a XXX trick'or'treat bag

Fill a small bag full with Halloween candy and label / tape different fun or sexy things to do with or to your partner on the candy wrapper. Take turns drawing from the bag, eat the candy and then do the described activity. You can also find creative uses for certain candies on your partner's body and throw your favorite sex toys into the mix as well.

Watch a scary movie together wearing next to nothing

Cuddle under a comfortable blanket in your underwear / lingerie while watching a scary movie in the dark. It'll bring you back to the good old dating days of having some hanky-panky in the back row of a movie theatre, except this time you don't have to worry about getting busted. Grab the popcorn, fire up Netflix and pick a movie like The Cabin in the Woods or Interview With The Vampire for a mix of scary and sultry scenes that will have your hearts racing and gripping each other tightly. Don't feel like having a heart attack? Go with the romantic zombie comedy Warm Bodies.

Got kids? Halloween sleepovers are fun both kids and parents

Pair up with another couple and alternate Halloween years to have both sets of kids trick'or'treat together in one group and sleep over at one couple's house. It's un for the kids to go in a large group and alternate neighbourhoods. The main advantage for the adults is the "free" couple can go out for a date on a night where restaurants and movie theatres are fairly empty and pretty much kid-free as all children are out trick'or'treating.

Host an adult-themed Halloween party

The cult classic movie Mean Girls was famous for its line: "Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it." Well the same is true if you want to dabble with risqué adult-themed parties; Halloween is basically your one night for a free pass. Host a Halloween party for you and any frisky friends and go with sexy and adult themes such as 50 Shades / BDSM, Leather and Lace, Pimps and Ho's or Bad Girls and Naughty Boys. Stock the party with plenty of alcohol and fun adult games that will be sexy but still meet everyone's tastes.

Happy Halloween girls and ghouls!

 

- BSYNH

 

 

 

 

 

Staying in or Going Out: The Nuances of Married Dating

Head out on the town or head for the couch? Here's what works and why

For most married couples, keeping a healthy dating routine where there is just alone time for the couple is essential to keeping the romance going. One question that keeps popping up is how and how often should married couples date? Is a night at home in the living room watching Netflix as good for the relationship as heading out to dinner and the movie theatre? let's take a look to see what the advantages of each are:

Making you feel sexy

Advantage: Heading out

In general, going on a formal date will lead to a couple feeling more sexy. Surveys show that someone going on a date on the town will invest more time into making a good appearance as opposed to simply putting on sweatpants for a cuddle session on the sofa. Couples are more likely to make the effort to put on makeup, perfume / cologne, take care of personal grooming and wear more flattering attire (sexier underwear included), which gives a confidence boost and makes you look more attractive to your partner who will lavish you with attention and compliments.

Dating frequency

Advantage: Staying in

Whether it be for financial reasons (eating out), logistical (finding a babysitter) or just plain convenience, couples that plan more informal dates at home will have a higher frequency of alone time than those that only do formal dates out of the house. So although you won't be able to get away from it all, you will spend more time with your partner be it by candlelight dinner after the kids are asleep or watching your favorite horror movie while sharing a bowl of popcorn.

 

Probability of post-date sex

Advantage: It's a draw

The good news is regardless of the date being at home or outside, the chances that your partner may want to take it to the bedroom after is about the same. While a formal date may include more natural aphrodisiac activities like holding hands or sharing a bottle of wine, staying in cannot be beat for sheer convenience.

One-on-One communication

Advantage: Heading out

Want to have a serious conversation with less distraction? Chances are you'll be better off out of the house and away from the things that get in the way on a regular basis. Cellphones and noisy patrons may still get in the way but it's nothing compared to the on-going distractions by being in your usual home setting.


So whether it's staying in or going out, dating as a couple is something that can only bring good things to your relationship. Pick one, or both, but just be sure to do it!

-BSYNH

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sizzling Summer Sex Tips for Couples

How to stay hot and sexy when it's hot and sticky

It's hot and steamy in the bedroom - the problem is we mean literally, not figuratively. The mercury may be popping and you're both hot, sticky and uncomfortable; but don't despair, check out these cool tips to still have hot summer sex:

 

 

Get a Room

Can't stand the heat at your place? Turn a dinner evening out into an overnight stay in glorious air-conditioned comfort by grabbing a hotel room. The sex will be great and refreshing while picking a low-demand night (middle of the week) will keep you form breaking the bank.

Try Summer Sex Positions

Yes, that's right - there are summer sex positions. Check out these specially designed hot weather sex positions to help you and your partner cool off while making it hot - whether it be in bed, the bathtub or the pool.

Go Outside

Got your pool all to yourself and no one is watching? Found a nice secluded picnic spot under the trees? Doing it outside where you can bare to the breeze is an easy way to beat the heatwave... if you're up for that kind of stuff.

Go Commando

Nothing is less sexy than knowing you're hot and sweaty down under. Easy solution? Leave the underwear at home and go with a long, flowy dress. You won't just stay cooler and drier, but you'll feel more frisky too. Men, same thing applies when going with light-material trousers to make things breathable.

Take a Raincheck on Oral Sex

Even when going commando, the last thing you need is the body heat of your partner's genitals on your already scorched tongue. Avoid a bad sensory experience and save this activity for a milder day or for after the air conditioner repairman visits. If you really can't help yourself, then we suggest ...

Use a Shower as Foreplay

Hop in the shower with your spouse and play while rinsing each other off under a lukewarm spray. It will help cool you down and wash off any body sweat or odor you can attribute to the humidex. If you can finish the deed in the stall, all the better.

Rip Up The Lawn

Shaving or waxing your pubic hair is one way to keep your fun zones better suited to play during hot, sticky weather. You will be less susceptible to caking on sweat or generating a non-appealing gym sock odor, and a quick wipe will be all you need to feel spring fresh despite the summer heat.


Have a good summer vacation everyone!

-BSYNH

 

The Health Downsides of Not Getting Enough Sex

The downsides of a dry spell are more than just sexual frustration.

There are many health benefits to maintaining a up-and-running sex life with your spouse. Beyond the general popular conceptions the physical advantages of regular sex isn't just about improving your mood or "blowing off steam" after a hard day. You'd be surprised at what exactly suffers in terms of mental and physical health when you're not getting enough:

 

Weight gain

Don't discount the benefits of sexercise. Although it depends on your weight, age, duration and position, a sexual encounter can burn anywhere from 60 to 300 calories. "A standard, run-of-the-mill quickie with your spouse will on average burn 100 calories... if you're dropping from twice a week to zero, chances are you're not trudging on the treadmill more often to compensate". As a result, with the loss of this bonus exercise you may experience weight gain and a depreciation of cardiovascular health.

Your stress levels increase

Sex releases the natural hormones oxytocin (the feel good hormone) and endorphins (the pain-fighting hormone). A recent study links regular intercourse with stress-reducing effects including lower blood pressure. That is why with less sex, you will feel more stressed and tense. While masturbation may be better than nothing, the same study found that only doing the real thing with your partner delivers the whole package of benefits.

Loss of libido

Findings show that less sex can lead to a loss of libido and a harder time to get aroused. It's even worse for men: applying the old adage of "use or lose it", men can suffer more severe physical symptoms ranging from the onset of early erectile dysfunction to premature ejaculation, especially once they hit the age of 55.

Your immune system loses its punch

Regular sexual activity has been proven in recent studies to increase the levels of the immune boosting IgA protein by as much as 30% . Why? Sex triggers the body's natural reaction to ready the immune system to prevent infection from any unwanted bacteria that may have entered the body during sexual activity; and it is just as effective in helping you fight off any cold or flu bugs you may have picked up.

Psychological warfare

The psychological effects of lack of sex vary in scope and magnitude, but eventually take a toll on your psyche and body. You can experience everything from shifts in your dream patterns, growing apart from your partner as you feel less attractive / attracted, you can lose self-esteem or as relationship expert and author April Masini forewarns you can eventually lose the urge to have sex altogether. The effect appears worse on women, with some researchers going as far as calling semen an anti-depressant.

Loss of health for your genitals and reproductive organs

While sex can reduce the risk of urinary track infections, in general there are still some significant downsides. In females, less sex can lead to a weakness in the vaginal walls and require Kegel exercises to maintain health. For men, less sex can lead to more serious illnesses as direct links were made with the onset of prostate cancer in later years. In fact, the same study recommended a staggering 21 (!!!) ejaculations per month as a protective measure against the future development of prostate cancer.


So please take our advice: ditch the apple and keep the doctor away by leading a regular, healthy sex life for both you and your spouse's wellbeing. Need we say more?

-BSYNH

 



Rise of the Suburban Dominatrix





Why women are coming out on top in the bedroom

 

As demographics change and social taboos subside (and even reverse themselves in some cases), new trends show that women are increasingly assertive in the bedroom. It's clear that something has changed: while married women from previous generations knew how to have fun, this next generation has taken everything a step further where pole-dancing is exercise and 50 Shades of Grey is a coffee table book.

 

 

Let's take a look on how female domination has left the realm of mostly male-inspired underground BDSM fantasy and instilled itself in gentler form in the tranquil lifestyles in surburbia.

 



 

 

Female-centric sexual positions are on the rise

 

Trends show that over time in long-term relationships (including marriage) female-favoured sexual positions become predominant. The findings make sense women seek different levels of sexual satisfaction with maturity and are generally more confident in driving the bandwagon. Sexual positions such as woman-on-top normally leads to higher sexual satisfaction as the woman can control the frequency and depth of penetration, as well as how long her partner can last. It is not uncommon to see in most lifestyle magazines nowadays female-empowered sex positions taking the majority of print space. 

 

 

Rise of the female dominant sex fantasy

 

Female domination during sex originally stemmed from male-driven BDSM fantasies: even if the woman was dominant, the incarnation she assumed was driven by submissive male fantasies, scenarios and scenes. In recent years, women have overtaken this fantasy and driven it themselves out of desire (and to be honest in most cases I've seen) curiosity. Playing a power role through actions, words and dressing up in the bedroom has become increasing common for women. For example, one testament to this is the rise in popularity of  the ultimate female dominant sexual act of pegging and the disappearance of the stigma attached to having anal sex with a heterosexual male. More women look for and openly discuss the advantages of having a "Bend Over Boyfriend" whether for occasional or "sexual bucket list" use. And it isn't all that bad for the male partner either: although guys may not openly admit it, prostate stimulation can lead to more intense orgasms, and has nothing to do with being homo- or heterosexual.



 

 

 

Chivalry is dead, so it's OK to demand it

 

The long-lost art of chivalry was swept away with the equality revolution: if a man could do it, a women could do it better. So as present-day men treat women with less and less chivalry, a large number of women still like the noble idea of having a man gallantly at their service (at least in piecemeal). For a small part, this desire has manifested itself through more dominant female behaviours, manifested in a convenient, well encompassed and more dramatic way through foreplay and sexual role-playing. And what's not to like? Commanding your man to give you a foot massage, back rub or act on your every whim in a sexual fantasy scenario is a good middle ground that lets you enjoy the act of chivalry without giving up on women's lib.



 

 

Domination as feminism?

As mentioned above, women have completely repatriated (re-matriated?) the dominant female stereotype, and in some cases have gone as far as branding it as feminism. A surplus of literature has come out in recent years servicing the thought of dominant, strong females as starting in the bedroom and growing outwards.

    

 

 

Drawing inspiration from the dominatrix

 

It all starts in bed, say certain experts: and getting what you want under the sheets can lead to getting what you want in other areas of your life. Indeed many people look to domination as a good way to breed inner strength and to adopt a "sex positive" outlook on life, where empowerment starts through being strong in your sex life.

 

No one is a bigger proponent to this than author, doctorate and resident dominatrix Sandra LaMorgese PhD, who uses her own experience to guide others in life transformations, in particular as published in her book outlining the benefits and empowerment that comes from embracing your own sexual evolution and coming out of your comfort zone to grow.

 

 

 

 

Fashion: the dominatrix look is now for empowered women

 

Who would have thought "bondage chic" would ever be a thing? Well it is. Latex-wear that was once only fit for a sex-worker in an underground dungeon is now haute couture for the red carpet. Made recently popular by Kim Kardashian, women have taken ownership of what was once a kinky fashion statement and making it look smoking hot, empowering and quite frankly - proudly feminine. The trend is leaving the runways and heading for mainstream where more women (like the young lady in this Cosmopolitan article) are finding the power of looking domineering and feeling confident as something to embrace (or at least try). 

-BSYNH

 

 



 

Update: It's April 2017 and everything we outlined in this article from last year seems to still be trending strong. A recent survey shows that for the first time recordable data indicated more growth among women paying for sex services than men, mostly to take charge of their own sexual fulfilment and female dominant fantasies.

Do you see parts of the strong "suburban dominatrix" in you or your spouse? Share your comments below!

 

 



Are you and your partner not on the same sexual fantasy page?

What to do if your partner doesn't have the same fantasy or tastes

Every person is different. Because of this, every relationship is also different. One trend that arises as a result of individual tastes or preferences is how couples deal in a relationship to differences in their sex life. Sex is part of our personality:  the frequency, the duration, with who and how and where are all part of what makes us unique. One area that often comes up as a delicate situation is with tastes and preferences, especially in monogamous married couples. So what do you do when tastes don't line up with your spouse's way of doing things?

Build an open base for Communication with your Partner

 

I have mentioned it countless times and this basic first step seems to be the most neglected of all: you should be talking to your partner constantly about your sexual relationship. Couples will invest countless hours over the course of a year talking about everything from finances, vacation destinations to meal planning ... but a fraction (if any) of the same time about their sex life. How much do you know about your partner sexually? Can you name your spouse's biggest sexual fantasy? Can they name yours? Do you know what turns them on most?

 

If you are not communicating with your partner open an honestly, then this needs to be sorted out immediately before building a healthy and evolving sex life moving forward.

 

 

Fantasies come in all shapes and sizes .. and yes, yours are normal

 

No, you're not weird and no you're not the only one to have a sexual fantasy that you think is odd or off-the-wall. At no point should you (a) feel embarrassed for your fantasy and (b) think your partner will consider you a weirdo if you approach them with it.

 

To put things into context, want to know what variety of naughty dreams are being cooked up the minds of your friends, neighbours, coworkers and family members (and they're not telling you about)? Have a look at what a recent study (done of 1500 men and women by expert researcher Christian Joyal in 2014) found :

• More than half of women (52 percent) fantasized about being tied up to obtain sexual pleasure, compared to 46 percent of men.
• Between 30 and 60 percent of women described fantasizing about themes associated with submission (for instance, being tied up, spanked, or forced to have sex).
• Ten percent of men, compared to 3.5 percent of women, fantasized about having their partner urinate on them.
• More than 40 percent of women said they fantasized about having a partner ejaculate on them.
• Around one-third of women, and 44 percent of men, fantasized about being filmed or photographed while having sex.

 

Understand your own tastes / fantasies / desires

 

Fantasies can come from various sources. Some may be based on things seen online, from people around you, television or images/ideals in society. Many erotic fantasies also stem from early memories, the first images you find arousing. It is important to understand your fantasy and to try to see if it fits best in which category:

• Pure fantasy: something that will never be acted on, either because it is impossible or you are content enough keeping it virtual (example having sex with a famous actor).
• OK to keep these in your head, yet you are still encouraged to talk these over with your partner ... and ask for theirs too!
• Curiosity fantasy: something you find arousing that you've always wanted to try, see where it leads (most popular examples include bisexual encounters or having multiple partners) 
• Talk to your partner ... would be they up for exploring with you or participating in some way? Are they curious too? Would they considerate this a turn-on?
• Adventure fantasy: Something daring or risky that is more adrenaline rush than sexual exploration  (a popular one is sex in public)
• A good way to feel this one out with your partner is to bring it up in the right situation
• Vicarious fantasy: a fantasy that is more of a preference or taste that you would like see develop into your long term sex life (example: fantasizing your current partner would act in a different way sexually) 
• This could make for a good talking point with your partner but be sure not to make it negative or discussed in a way that seems to give the perception they need to change for you to maintain your feelings for them.
• Personal fantasy: something you want to think about on your own, and may or may not want your partner to be aware of (examples include far-fetched daydreams but can also include deeper activities such as cutting or self-bondage)
• Up to you on whether you want to keep these private; but if you can't open up to this with your soulmate, then who? 

 

Approaching the Subject with your Partner

 

There are many keys to approaching your spouse when discussing sexual fantasy and if you want to pursue fulfilling it.

• Talk openly. There is nothing wrong with pulling your partner aside or having some pillowtalk time after an encounter. Ask open questions where your partner can answer you honestly and you can also talk freely. There should be no judgement and you should keep an open mind in the same sense as you would expect of them.
• Can you talk in a way that will help you find common ground? Are there any similarities or preferences you already have that may lead you to think your spouse may be into your fantasy? If so, see how you can build on them to live them out.
• Can you trade fantasies? If you can agree to openly put both your top fantasies on the table with no judgement, why not establish some basic ground rules and take turns acting on each of them on different occasions?
• Would they be OK with you pursuing other avenues to fulfill it? If your partner is not up for helping you live out a fantasy, would they be open to letting you do it some other way? Would they be interested in watching you or have some other form of participation? For these types of discussions remember to please try to put yourself in your partner's shoes and ask answer yourself honestly if you would be OK with the same proposed arrangement if it were the other way.
• Explain what will happen next. Your partner may fear acting on a fantasy (either yours or theirs) as they are afraid it may change things moving forward between you too. They will often wonder "will they want this all the time?" and "will this be the only way to satisfy them from now on?" An honest discussion needs to take place where you both decide before acting on the fantasy. You also need to discuss what to do if it doesn't turn out being as hot and sexy as hoped for (brush it off? try again later?). By talking about what happens tomorrow morning, you help relieve pressure off yourself and your partner, while keeping it fun.
• Book a fantasy date. Book a sexual encounter with your spouse where one of you sets up a fantasy scenario. Discuss briefly beforehand what will happen so no one is caught off guard. You can provide hints, details or sexy instructions leading up to it. Take turns and make this a recurring fixture in your sex life if it's a success.
• Get inspired. Sometimes the best way to get your partner to understand what you mean is to show them. What a video clip, movie or look at some pictures of what you find hot and want to try. This is a good way to gauge their reaction and see if they would be in.
• It may be better to just decide to keep it a fantasy. There is nothing wrong with keeping a fantasy, well ... a fantasy. People fantasize about many things in life and it's perfectly normal to have something that you are content to keep in your daydreams and imagination and that it is never acted upon. It may also be something you prefer to keep private and only to yourself. The risk of acting on fantasy is being disappointed if it does not live up to your expectations. But in turn, there is nothing wrong with sharing details of this fantasy with your partner if you so desire.
• Most importantly, you need to both be consensual with the final decision. No matter what the outcome, you and your partner need to discuss this thoroughly and openly, and then agree on what to do (or not do) before you act on it. Doing so will help your relationship over the long term which is usually not worth risking a short-term fantasy for.

 

Sweet dreams everyone :0)

 

-BSYNH