Soundtrack for Sex - Song Pick of the Week

The Weeknd - The Hills

The Weeknd performed this sultry smash on SNL recently with Nikki Minaj

Whether it's for a teasing romp between the sheets with your spouse or the perfect music for a slow pole dance, "The Hills" by The Weeknd has made our soundtrack for sex. Check it out here and let us know what you think:

-BSYNH

Sex Toy Games: Our Couples-Building Sexy Games of the Week

Wonder what you and your spouse can do with our top five most underrated couples toys of 2015? Check out these fun ideas:

Chain Gang

What you need: nipple clamps (x2)

• Assume the standard cowgirl position (woman upright facing reclining man)
• Using nipple clamps and extra chain as necessary, put the clamps on yourself and your spouse, then link your nipples to your spouse's. Adjust the length of the chain between yourselves by leaning forward slightly and tying off the length. Once the female partner is fully upright; there should be gentle pressure on both your nipples.

Why this game rocks: As the female will move up and down during sex in this position, the clamps will pull on both your nipples, giving a delicious feeling of stimulation to the nipples while all hands are free to do other things. Pressure is easily adjusted by the upright partner by leaning forward or backward so you can easily be as rough as you want; or change easily throughout the encounter.

Make it better: This game can be made even more fun by using handcuffs, blindfolds and/or a ball gag on either partner.

Sexy Scavenger Hunt

What you need: Ben Waa Balls

• Before playing, the male partner should identify / hide about 7-8 items throughout the house. If your house is multi-level, they should be spread out over different floors and be a mix of areas that are up high (top shelf of a cabinet) or down low (under furniture).
• Warm up a pair of Ben Waa balls and insert them into the female partner. To keep the balls in place during the game, wear a fitted bikini bottom (OK) or a pair of latex panties (best).
• Provide the female partner the list of scavenger items to collect and give hints to the location.
• The partner can return to the bedroom only once all the items are collected to remove the balls.

Why this game rocks: Ben Waa balls provide incredible stimulation to the vaginal walls when a person is moving around, in particular going up/down stairs of having to change positions between stretching up or crouching down. Plan it right and your female partner will be coming back up to the bedroom seriously out-of-breath, and it won't be because of the exercise.

Make it better: If you have more time to set up, only give the clue to the location of the first item, and then provide the next location on the item itself with a post-it note. Sequence the items to make your partner run around more, increasing the amount of stimulation.

Sexy Interrogation Standoff

What you need: The Womanizer, Cock Cage, restraints of any choice, other favorite sex toys

• Before playing, the woman partner should hide the key to the cock cage somewhere in the bedroom.
• Apply the cock cage to the male partner, once applied he should restrain the female partner (preferably naked) in a consensual position.
• On a smartphone or clock, start a timer and agree to different rewards or punishments for a particular partner based on specific time intervals
• Using items like the womanizer and other sex toys, the man must tease the female partner as much as possible, but not provide the relief of a climax, until she divulges the location of the key.
• Once the location of the key is revealed, the female partner is set free, the male is allowed to free himself and any rewards or punishments are collected.

Why this game rocks: Both you and your partner will square off in a standoff that will have both of begging for release; with no way to have it until the location of the key is found. For the female, it will take every ounce of reserve to hold on to divulging the location of the key; for the man the situation will only get worse as it takes more time to crack his partner.

Make it better: As the male, use anything you can think of to drive your partner's senses wild (ticklers, ice cubes, etc). As the female, get your partner to agree to giving you time rewards that will motivate you to last as long as possible.

Top Five Underrated But Totally Awesome Sex Toys to Use for Couples

Looking to stuff those Christmas stockings for you and your spouse? Here's something nice for those who want to be naughty.


The sex toy industry was valued at about 15 billion US dollars (yes BILLION) last year. For those of you wondering, no that is not because of gag gifts, bachelorette parties, Vegas strippers or lonely guys living in a basement apartment. It is because married couples are the largest consumers of sex toys. On average, the master bedroom of married couples in America contains about $300 worth of adult-only fun toys.

As the Christmas shopping season approaches, here are five of the most underrated sex toys we recommend for use by married couples looking to add a little bit of fun to their nights.

The Womanizer

Ladies, if you have not experienced this yet, it's time to find out what you're missing. First and foremost, this is NOT a vibrator, it is an awesome stimulation device (designed by a husband and wife duo) that will excite your clitoris like never before using air suction and pressure waves. Here's why you need to try it:

1. You'll climax faster than you ever have before. Initial research says 80% of women will have a toe-curling orgasm within the first 5 minutes.
2. It feels just like oral sex. Dare I say it felt better? Sorry hubby...
3. You have full control. You can easily adjust the intensity level and depth of suction to play with yourself longer, harder or whatever suits your mood.
4. You will have multiple orgasms. Feel relaxed knowing that you will be spent by the end of the night, as did 75% of most women surveyed.
5. It works on nipples too. Because it's suction-based stimulation, it is perfect for teasing your nipples when your poor clit needs a break from the action.
6. It works on men too. If you're into sharing your toys, you can use it on your husband's frenulum (the super sensitive underside of his penis) so he can see what all the fuss is about.

Male Chastity Device

Ever felt the relief of an orgasm after having pent-up sexual energy inside? It's more common in women than men, but here's a way to drive your man wild to that same point and even further - so much so he may as well be begging you to let him climax at the end.

If you haven't guessed from the picture, a chastity device (also termed "cock cage") restrains a man's penis form having an erection without causing him any pain. This means he will feel all the mental stimulation of arousal without being able to bring on a erection to build up towards a climax and get the physical relief.

Choose a good quality device made of medical grade plastic for the best hygiene properties. There are different models and each comes in multiple sizes; choose the right fight for your man based on his flaccid penis length, lock him up and give him a lap dance. After about 5 minutes he'll be begging you to be set loose.


Ball Gag

Most couples have dabbled with handcuffs and blindfolds, yet many have not yet tried the last part of the light BDSM trifecta: a good quality ball gag. If it turns you on to be retrained in the dark while your partner goes to town on your body; the icing on the cake is to let loose and have your loudest, wildest, screaming O into a muffling ball gag. No need to worry about waking the neighbours.


Ben Wa Balls

Leave it to Japanese technology to revolutionize the world in the bedroom too. Ben Wa balls are one of the world's oldest sex toys, providing women and couples pleasure for centuries. They come in multiple sizes, different materials and weights, and can be stringed for easier removal. Depedning on the sensation you are looking for, they can be inserted cold or warm. You can try them solo by placing them in your vagina and moving around or squeezing tightly (similar to Kegel exercises); as the balls move around inside you, you will feel strong stimulation of your vaginal walls in ways not normally achievable during intercourse.

If you want to play ball with your partner (pun intended), leave them in during intercourse and you will both be able to feel the balls as they are moved around by your male partner's thrusting motions, stimulating both of you.


Nipple Clamps on a Chain

Once reserved for serious BDM play, nipple clamps are becoming a fixture in mainstream sex as a must-have following right behind handcuffs and blindfolds. Nipple clamps are an affordable and versatile couples toy to keep in the nightstand, easy and effective to use and can be used on both men and women alike. Whether used in foreplay, in the heat of passion, or as you are climaxing, a gentle tug on the nipple clamps will be more than enough to set you or your partner's sensations ablaze by stimulating one of the body's most erogenous zones. The chain is key as it allows your partner to use only one hand to stimulate both nipples while the other hand is free to do other things. A clamp of good quality will be made or stainless or medical grade steel and allow for pressure adjustment - go this route so that you and your partner can set the clamping force for a level you are comfortable with.

-BSYNH

UPDATE: Are you interested in any of these toys but don't know how to introduce them in your relationship? Check out there fun games to play with your partner using these props.

Booty Call Texting Game: Our Couples-Building Sexy Game of the Week

You can't have a booty call with your spouse? Think again.

If you were dating your spouse way before smartphones became as popular as they are today, chances are you never had the pleasure of having a booty call with your spouse-to-be. Here's a fun and flirtatious way to surprise your partner and call in a booty call with someone who already lives under your roof:

Start with an excuse to send your spouse out of the house late at night (or when the kids are fast asleep). Excuses like needing to pick up something urgent at a late-night pharmacy (I'm not feeling well...) or something rush for tomorrow morning at a late-closing store (yikes, need this for tomorrow's school project!) or maybe your favorite snack from a late night restaurant are easy ideas for the ruse.

When your spouse agrees to head out, tell them there is one other thing that you needed (maybe something else on sale, etc) but can't remember. Ask them to text you when they get there in case you've remembered.

Once they text you, tell them there's been a change in plans and you need them to back right away. Be as racy or descriptive as you want to be with the reason, for example:

• You can't stop thinking about them since they left and need them back NOW
• You're waiting in bed for them and doing naughty things while passing the time
• A picture is worth a thousand words: text a picture of what is waiting for them at home. Hurry back?

To entice things, you can make it interesting for them when they do come back home:

• Leave a note they will see as they walk in to say you're not in the bedroom, leave some hints on where to find you and what you'd like them to do when they do find you.
• Leave a trail of your clothes leading to where you're waiting
• Set the mood - light candles or bring out some naughty toys to play with

Hopefully your spouse won't get a speeding ticket heading back. Don't text and drive, my naughty friends :)

-BSYNH

Never Stop Flirting

Just because you're married doesn't mean you stop flirting

It's interesting seeing the various personal dynamics between married couples; the biggest challenge faced by most is how to keep things fresh and interesting as physical attraction waivers over time. One of the easiest ways is a classic one: flirting. Here's why and how:

It puts you back on your spouse's romance radar.

Your spouse may see you as a good wife or husband, a great parent to your children, a responsible adult who takes care of the house, a hard worker. Yet it's important to remind them of what you do for them in terms of romance and physical attraction. An intimate touch or impromptu kiss when they least expect it will remind them on a regular basis.

It gives your relationship physical intimacy besides sex.

In many couples, the only time physical intimacy is shown is in the lead-up to sex. While this is the norm, it is also important to show your partner physical attraction just for the sake of it and not only when you want to get it on. Sneak a few playful squeezes or other non-innocent contact when your spouse is least expecting it to make the point that you're into them and not just only when it's time for sex.

It will boost confidence for both of you.

A flirty, unsolicited compliment out of the blue ("I like that look on you - careful or I may not be able to control myself next time we're alone") can make your spouse's day. The boost in confidence from knowing you're acknowledging the physical attraction they generate in you will not only make them feel great, it will make them more likely to return the favour to you as well.

It's good to pull your spouse out of mundane.

A good flirt when least expected breaks the routine of the day. Making eye contact with a flirty gesture while clearing the dinner table or pulling your spouse aside for a passionate kiss while doing dishes is all it takes to make an ordinary task and daily routine pass by all the more quickly.

It's a fun and sexy way to continue "dating" your partner.

One thing that I always suggest to married couples is to never stop dating. Sure, life can be hectic to do formal dates as you once did, but flirting as you were doing when dating is a great way to keep the fire burning in a relationship. One thing I tell couples is to act on something new: what can you do today if you would be dating your spouse now that you never did? For example, chances are you probably didn't have smartphones when you were dating - but if you did, what would you have done? Maybe send racy texts during the day? Ask them to Snapchat you some personal pictures when you're out of town on that business trip? Applying new modern ways of flirting to a more experienced relationship is a great way to keep things fresh.

Happy flirting everyone ;)

-BSNYH

 

Married Sex: How Generation Y has Changed Everything

They're done school, they're getting jobs, they're getting hitched: and the perception of married sex will never be the same.

Newsflash! Generation Y (all those wonderful young folks born in the early 1980s to about the mid 1990s) are now in prime marriage age. They've entered the workforce, they're buying houses, cars and they're getting married in droves. Here's why this has changed everything you ever thought about married sex:

They're expecting to be doing it for years to come.

If the Viagra / Cialis publicity campaigns this past decade has taught the next generation anything, it's that they'll be having sex with their partner well into the nursing home years. The idea of sex between spouses being in its prime during the child-rearing years is no longer commonplace in their minds. As a result, missionary position for half a century doesn't work anymore - the new expectation is that sex with your life partner will grow, evolve and extend well into the latter years of life. This is why today's married couples are more adventurous, sensual and sometimes straight-out wild.

They're masters in sex.

Recent studies shown that on average Generation Y will have had 8 sexual partners before finding "the one". This means they come into marriage with more experience in the sack, are confident between the sheets, have tried a plethora of different types of sex, and are more demanding on their life partner to match the best of the best from what they've had before.

They're rocking the bedroom in style.

Generation Y is very self-conscious about their appearance: they like to be fit and look good. This is no different in the bedroom as they strive to be desirable and keep their look fresh. As a result, lingerie sales have grown steadily and are projected to increase almost 40% in 2016 from 2008 levels. Whereas married women from previous generations used to have a few "go to" outfits and more conservative negligees and slips, Gen-Y wives are more likely to have a drawer full of racier getups, spend more annually on these items than ever before and are projected to continue shopping for boudoir items much later in life.

It's never been easier to cheat on your spouse.

Not satisfied with the home cooking? Answers vary when it comes on what to do if your spouse isn't keeping you satisfied in bed. For Gen-Y newlyweds, life is a little different as for the first time ever they have a plethora of other convenient options available at their fingertips. Statistics show that most Gen-Yers have already dabbled with apps like Tinder and PoF pre and post marriage. Out of this number, a large portion of newlyweds have admitted to keeping old, unknown proxy accounts or creating new "curiosity accounts" on these same platforms, secret to their partner.

How this will affect infidelity rates is still uncertain; common sense would assume most will not actually go through with engaging in extra-marital affairs but it has never been easier before. Whether this new trend (still in its infancy) develops or not into a legitimate increase in transgressions is still up for debate. However, if Ashley Madison taught us anything, we may be surprised with what we may find out from statistical data within 5-10 years.

All in all, with divorce rates at record levels and technology helping broker flings of unfaithfulness with ease, pressure to keep a spouse happy in bed has never been higher than it is now. For this reason we're seeing a trend of Gen-Y as being more conscious and communicative of their partners' satisfaction level and respond by being more creative, open and experimental in the bedroom.

Social media weighs heavily on their minds.

Gen-Yers are heavily into social media as seen with the ages of users on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. This new reality is a double-hit in the bedroom for two main reasons:

They need to keep up with the Joneses. Whether it's feeling envious of friends posting seductive selfies on Instagram, or raving about their spouse's romantic gestures on Facebook, Gen-Y newlyweds are in a constant competition to keep up with the pack. Besides this, thanks to the anonymity of discussion forums and other internet mediums, Gen-Yers are significantly more open in talking about their sex life and comparing it to others. As a result, they see in much greater detail what they are missing out on if their spouse isn't as adept at keeping the romance going.

Role models have changed. Where Gen-X grew into married life with kids based on memories from the non-glamorous TV moms Roseanne Barr and Marge Simpson, Gen-Y is faced with the likes of Kim Kardashian. This new generation of Hollywood moms strives to regain pre-pregnancy form within weeks of delivery and look drop-dead sexy with their infant in tow. They're not gracing the ho-hum covers of Chatelaine, they're on the cover of Cosmo. The expectation is that you can still be as hot and sexy as ever while being married with or without kids.

Their grandparents probably grew up during the sexual revolution.

Growing up pre-Gen-Y meant even if your parents were more progressive in raising you and guiding your sexual attitudes, chances are your grandparents were probably still from a pre-sexual revolution generation and fairly conservative, relying on outdated social taboos. (I can attest to this with my grandmother.) This is becoming less common in 2015 as the grandparent generation has been replaced by the sexual revolution generation, thereby reducing the last chance of "stern looks around the dinner table" from matriarch or patriarch family members regarding any questionable behaviour or inappropriate discussions.

Mainstream sex is kinkier today.

If the success of Fifty Shades of Grey proved anything, the aptly-named "mommy porn" ideology is more socially acceptable than it has ever been before. Whereas only a decade ago a woman reading a soft-core smut book while sitting beside her stroller at the park may have garnered some raised eyebrows, this is no longer the case.

Besides this, formerly "deviant" practices such as light BDSM is considered so mainstream to the point that regular mall lingerie stores carry items that used to be reserved for sex shops ("Your rhinestone flogger is just there past the pajama bottoms, ma'am"). So today a set of handcuffs in the nightstand isn't considered kinky, it's standard issue in most Gen-Y master bedrooms.

So welcome to the club Gen-Y. Here's wishing you many happy years filled with the best married sex we never had!

-BSYNH

Question of the Day: Making time for Sex

 

"What is a fun and non-awkward way to set up an adult playdate with your spouse? We have offset work schedules and small children and we have come to the conclusion that if we don't start making more time for each other, we won't be making love anytime soon."

-PR

Planning a date or sexual encounter with your spouse may feel awkward at first. While asking your spouse or communicating directly is the ideal way, it is easy to understand that people may be reticent due to being shy, embarrassed or worried about rejection / putting pressure on their partner. Here are some tips you can use, hopefully one of these strategies will work:

 

 

Make your own secret code word for sex

 

For sex to happen, you need to communicate openly about it, but this is not always possible. Using a code word not only makes asking for sex sound less awkward and more fun, but it allows you to use it more freely with your spouse. For example, in my life we would ask each other if we felt up to "re-arrange the back of the closet" - a phrase we chose as most of my lingerie and toys were hidden in the back of the bedroom closet.

 

Plan dates openly on your calendar

 

Being open about reserving time for sex with your spouse means giving queues to your partner that they can see on a regular basis without you soliciting them directly. There are two ways we recommend:

 

Come up with a way to plan or propose dates with your spouse directly on your family planner or calendar. If it is just you two in the house, attach a sticky note to day with a phrase like "Stay In?" and a heart or smiley face. If you have a family and other people may see the calendar, you can use code words or other symbols. For example, one couple worked with superhero stickers: they would use certain characters to denote days that would not be good for them (working late, early meeting next morning) and other characters to propose a night of hanky-panky. Different characters were code for different types of sex (romantic, quickie, etc). The other partner would acknowledge with a second sticker like a smiley face to let them know the date was on.

Invite your partner to sexy events. Check out printable "invitations" and calendar templates from sites such as these ones from the Dating Divas, or inspire yourself from other examples on the internet and make your own. Leave the invitation somewhere were they are sure to see it when you're not around and leave clear instructions on where to leave the RSVP.

 

 

 

Use holidays or milestone dates to make sexy traditions

 

Another effective method is to have a recurring tradition of "special sex" for your personal milestones or holidays. Think of birthdays, your wedding anniversary or statutory holidays like the 4th of July and find special sexy things you can do that reflect the spirit of the day. For example, here is a great idea for a sexy Halloween night after-party from our friends at the Dating Divas ... October 31st will never be the same!

 

 

Book a monthly "Hot Sex Night"

 

Other couples find it useful in setting up a recurring monthly date (such as the first Friday of every month) to be something like an "order-in and adventure night". To make this night different and more exciting from your other encounters, take alternate turns in planning the night: i.e. the partners alternate in organizing to order in food and come up with something new to try in the bedroom (position, toy, game).

 

 

Try these tips out with your partner and the situation should improve!

-BSYNH

 

 

Have a question for our team? Email us at BestYouNeverHadBlog@gmail.com - your name, email address and location will remain confidential. 

 

"Clue" Game - Our Couples-Building Sexy Game of the Week

Add Spontaneity to Your Night In

Here is a fun, easy and exciting DIY game to play with your spouse based (loosely) on the famous Clue board game. In the game of Clue, gameplay revolves around a combination of character, object and room cards.

In this variation on the game, you will make similar cards to make your encounter with your spouse a little more interesting. Here's how:

Grab some blank notecards, paper strips or use your computer to create 3 decks of customized cards, 5 for each category:

Rooms: Pick 5 rooms or areas of the house, preferably not your bedroom. You can be general such as "Living Room" or more specific such as "Living Room Sofa".

Objects: Pick 5 fun objects that could be used during sex or foreplay such as any adult toys you may have or household items such as whipped cream.

Action Card: Choose 5 actions for you and you partner to do. These can be quick games, exotic or new sexual positions, or foreplay activities. For full effect, choose things out of your ordinary routine, aim to be fun or risqué depending on your tastes.


Either colour code the cards or separate them in 3 small envelopes. When the time comes, simply have your partner draw one of each card type and then you both must act on the selection. Once done you can put the used cards back in play or leave them aside and draw from the remaining deck next you decide to play another round.

Mr and Mrs doing some dirty things on the kitchen table with the chocolate syrup? Oh my...

-BSYNH

Why Waiting For "Spontaneous Sex" Isn't Always Best

Well, I have news for you: I'm pretty sure nothing in your busy life happens spontaneously, does it?

Alas, it is true so many times. Couples come bearing fears that the romance is gone, the spark is out and that they simply don't have the time to maintain a healthy, growing sex life together. Why isn't he whisking me off my feet at the end of the day? Why is she always too tired or has a headache?

I've always wondered where exactly these expectations of 100% spouse availability for sex comes from. Why is it that just because you live under the same roof you will automatically fall into bed together and have spontaneous, mind-blowing sex? Is this really realistic in today's world?

The fact of the matter is that although spontaneous sex is great and it can be fun, your relationship cannot survive on it alone when you're going through a busy patch. Here's why:

Your sex was never that spontaneous to begin with.

Think back to when you were dating your spouse; before you both had the commitments and busy schedule you do today. You set up dates. You made plans. You cleared your calendar and reserved your time for each other. Let's be honest: deep down inside, you knew exactly what was going to happen after that Saturday night movie when it would be time to drive back and do the drop-off. You were subconsciously making time for sex, romance, physical intimacy. You prepared for it, thought about it all day, anticipated it, took care of each sexy detail like grooming, choosing your underwear, your perfume / cologne and making sure you would feel - well - goddam sexy and ready for your partner.

Fast forward to today. Do you and your partner still make "dates"? Probably not. Do you reserve your time and clear your calendar? Doubt it. Yet then you wonder why it feels like you and your spouse were so much more romantic before getting married. The better question should be why have you stopped dating and making time for intimacy?

You can't expect your spouse to always be ready and willing 100% of the time.

One of the most frustrating things for a spouse is to have their advances rejected by the other partner. Most of the time, it's for a valid reason but the rejection still stings and hurts the ego. It also hurts the other way as the spouse who declines may feel guilty, pressured or insensitive for letting the other down, or even worse, may go ahead with it and try to force it or fake it which can lead to disappointing results.

Life is busy and there will be times when you're just not in the mood, or they are not. It's normal. Working out a planned time that would have the best chance of working for you both isn't awkward, it's plain obvious. In the end, it will also leave you both less frustrated and stop any chance of developing disappointment, hurt feelings or resentment which can be poisonous in any relationship.

Knowing a sexual encounter is coming up is so much more fun.

Above I briefly touched on the powerful thought of anticipation, and this is something that many couples underestimate. Planning a sexual encounter with your partner may seem odd at first, but the lead-up will make it all worth it. Knowing that your partner will be available for you builds confidence and raises your morale. This then leads to great things like flirting. If you book a sex date with your partner, make sure you take full advantage and fill the week with flirting. Suggestive texts, seductive kisses and up close and personal "previews" of what's to come will make the week fun and be a natural aphrodisiac.

It might be the only way to get real quality couple time.

For couples with young kids, the sheer logistics of finding the time to be intimate may be enough to dry up even the most ravenous sex life. In certain cases, your planning will involve taking the time to send the kids over to a friend's sleepover, getting a babysitter and heading out or staying in and setting up somewhere private and out of earshot of you sleeping children. Booking a date in advance is the only way to work all this out, or else not much is going to happen.

For couples with stressful or demanding jobs, a booked encounter gives prior warning to be ready and willing for some quality time with your partner. Although opening your calendars to negotiate a date night around your work schedules may not be romantic by traditional terms, it may be necessary. While your job is important, at least for one night that week you'll do whatever it takes to be sure to come home refreshed and without a headache, which is much more manageable.

There are many ways to make planned sex spontaneous and exciting.

Planned sex is only boring if it becomes routine. The good news is there are many ways of not making it routine. There's nothing saying that you can't reserve the time on your calendars but leave it as a question mark. Take your planned encounters and turn them into something new and adventurous: bedroom games, role playing and taking turns setting up surprises for your partner will add elements of surprise and excitement. Change your sexual habits often, avoid the routine, explore and try news things, at least once. There will be no complaints after that.


Getting back to "calendar dating" is one of the easiest fixes in this busy world for a sex life that is falling by the wayside. There is nothing wrong with being open and honest with your spouse and booking time to have quality adult fun with them.

-BSYNH

Leg-Binding for Stronger Orgasms: Fact vs Fiction

Can leg-binding actually increase the intensity of orgasms?

Soooo what's leg-binding?  Leg-binding is the action of tying your two legs together during intercourse as an (alleged) natural way to increase your orgasm, mostly effective in women but also possible for men. This practice is gaining favour in the light BDSM world and is sometimes suggested in starter kits and books on the same subject.

 

How-to guide:

Leg-binding is done by tying the ankles and knees tightly but comfortably together with a rope, scarf, ribbon or other restraint. In women, the tie above the knees is sized by putting a fist width-wise inside the upper thighs when tying the knot, and then removing it, giving a loose bond at the knees which allows enough access for penetration. In men, the knee tie is completely snug, forcing the scrotum fully forward.

For women, orgasm can be reached by lying on the back with the knees slightly bent and having manual stimulation, either to the clitoris, G-spot or both. Another option is kneeling (doggy) with vaginal penetration from behind. For men, it is by lying down and having the partner on top, facing either direction. As the leg-bound partner reaches orgasm, they can increase coital stimulation and strength of climax by pushing as hard to possible against the restraints to open their legs.

There are various reason people attribute leg binding to a better sexual experience, but does it really work? Here's what I think about it and some of the claims made of this sexual position:

"Tying the legs together increases bloodflow to the pelvic area, making everything more sensitive."

This may or may not be true. Yes, increased pelvic bloodflow does create stronger erections in men and can swell the clitoris and G-spot in women. Now it's been years since my last college lecture on the circulation system, and how effective this position is at doing this really depends on how the restraints are applied. A restraint around the knees would push on the popliteal artery (behind the upper knee, the major downstream tributary of the femoral artery going down into the legs) so this could allow more bloodflow to remain in the pelvic area, but it is hard to prove.

"Forcing hard against the restraints during climax increases muscle activity in the pelvic area and augments the intensity of the orgasm."

This is mostly true as fighting against the restraints would essentially be similar to an abdominal workout, especially when in the kneeling position. To demonstrate, lie on your back and make a bicycle motion with your legs independently: you will feel most of the burn in your upper and side thigh muscles. Repeat the same motion but now with both legs pressed firmly together: you will feel that the muscle stress has shifted to your abdominal wall and pelvic area. Trying to force apart your restrained legs as you reach climax would have a similar affect that could enhance the feeling of the climax.

"Leg binding will make a woman seem tighter and enhance the feeling of penetration for both partners."

This is true and it may be a good or bad thing. The "fist spacing" rule-of-thumb (no pun intended) for tying the knee restraint does seem to allow enough spacing for reasonable playtime access to the vagina, but it may still be too tight for certain genital matchups. Feeling tighter is definitely a good way to get more pleasure in either partner, but you may want to go with personal lubricant to avoid feeling sore afterwards.


So what's the best way to find out if this technique could work for you? Before going into actual binding, try sexual positions like the standing twist (woman lying on the edge of the bed, legs upright and crossed, man standing) or a tight doggy style (woman with legs closed, man legs open on outside). If these work at turning you own, it's a good sign that you'll love leg-binding in other positions. But don't take my word for it, try it out with your spouse!

-BSYNH

Question of the Day: Sex Life is Suffering Because of Marriage Rough Patch

 "My husband and I are going through a bit of a marriage rough patch and as a result our sex life is suffering. Besides the arguments, I feel the loss of intimacy is making things worse and is adding further to our frustrations and resentment towards each other. How do we get out of this?"

-DH

Every marriage hits its rocky points, even the ones built on the strongest foundations. I’ll refer us back to the three Cs that I wrote about earlier this week which are essentially your “superpowers” that you have accrued over the length of your marriage, and can help get you out of this situation.

Connection:

 

You and your spouse share a special, unique connection between the two of you. Can you think back to other things you’ve overcome together in your relationship leading up to and including your marriage years? What helped you through those times? Now that you worked through it and it’s in the past, think what you would say to yourselves if you could send a message back in time to you at the lowest point of the conflict.  Would that advice apply now? Reflect on this to build your confidence that yes, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel (because you two always find a way!) and then work with your partner to spread the feeling of “we’re going to solve this, it’s just a matter of figuring it out”.

 

Communication:

 

It is only normal that your sex life suffers as of result of relationship conflicts. While some couples feel the need to “force through it” with the sex, many times couples will find out the hard way that make-up sex does not mean the real problem is resolved. I always suggest taking care of the other parts first, and then the sex will follow. Communication is always the first step. Talk to each other in a open and honest manner using these simple steps and try to avoid personalizing (blaming) the issues:

• Take turns stating what you believe the problem is
• Look beyond to see if this is a symptom of another problem, if so, take care of that problem
• What possible things would each of you do to resolve the problem
• Decide which solution works best for the two of you. 

Comfort:

 

It is quite common that couples used to a regular sex life will tend to feel more distant and vulnerable when your normal sex routines are put aside due to conflicts outside the bedroom. As a result, what you may be feeling is your comfort level with your partner has dropped due to increased feelings of tension or resentment. If you feel that around your partner you are walking on eggshells or at risk of saying the wrong thing and setting them off, you will need to do some work to return yourselves back into the comfort zone. Simple exercises like going back to basics (thinking of all the reasons you love each other, listing the positives about your partner) may be the first step to put things back in perspective. Is the issue you are going through really as bad as it seems when put into this context? Has it changed the way you see your spouse and how they see you today? Tomorrow? 10 years from now?

 

Once you have restored your connection, the lines of communication and your comfort level, your sex life will return to normal, or perhaps even better than before. Good luck,

-BSYNH

 

 

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Photoshoot Game: Our Couples-Building Sexy Game of the Week

Ham it up in front the camera, you sexy vixens and studmuffins!

For this week's couples building game, here's what you'll need:

• A large mirror in a well-lit room
• A digital camera, tablet or smartphone
• Underwear, sexy outfits, lingerie, costume jewelry, accessories

In front of a mirror, you and your partner strip down to your buffs or put on your sexiest lingerie / outfits. With your camera or smartphone, goof around and take pictures together in silly poses and faces. Have fun by using accessories like feather boas, swapping your clothing, smearing makeup, etc. Play with the camera angles and towards the end go for partial or full nudity (if you're up for that). During this activity, stop every so often to look at your photos with your partner, talk about what you like about the pictures and what poses to try next.

Keep the photos for posterity (hmm maybe on a hidden USB key) or delete them once you're done.

Tip: Want to avoid accidentally uploading an embarrassing smartphone photo to social media? Put your smartphone on airplane mode until you are done with your photoshoot and have deleted any photos that you are too shy to keep on your device.


Why this game works so well at building your bond as a couple:

In married life, it's easy to forget how to have fun with your partner in a risqué and intimate context. This game is fun as a standalone activity but is also a great way to put yourselves in the mood for some more serious foreplay.

Strike a pose, all you sexy good-looking married folks!

-BSYNH

Why Married Sex Should be the Best Sex of Your Life

You should have seen the look on their faces. They sat there, stunned, staring back at me. There was a moment of quiet reflection and then the woman glanced at her husband, then looked at me and spoke up in a small voice "No, I guess not"

I see it all too often. And I understand it. I'm married to, just like they were. I get it. I've heard it before (many times) and I've experienced it before myself. Life gets in the way. There are bills. Housework. The job. The kids. The families, the friends and the obligations that come with. But the fact of the matter is married sex should be the best sex of your life.

I've never understood why the general conception is that marriage is where good sex goes to die. How could that be? Marriage is, by definition, one of the strongest bonds that two individuals can form. There is no way in my mind that single or dating people should be having better sex than a married couple. A marriage has several advantages that should make it the perfect environment for awesome sex.

Here are the top three reasons why married sex should be the best sex:

The connection:

Being married means having a tried, tested and true connection with your partner, sometimes developed over years. This connection has formed as you have both stood together against adversity, challenges and whatever else life has tossed your way. You count on them for support and love, and there are few things more reliable than your spouse. This is someone who loves you very much, has been there for you in the past, and will be there for you in the future. Who could possibly be better to have a solid sex relationship with?

 

 



The communication:

The key to a marriage is communication. Most married couples talk openly about their plans, goals, fears and concerns. The same should apply to their sex life. For some reason, many couples think talking about sex with their partner is taboo, in bad taste or are afraid to be judged. Do you know when your partner is in "the mood"? Do you know your partners' biggest sexual fantasy? Do they know yours? Why not? Talking about sex with your partner is a sure-fire way to improve your sexual relationship.

The comfort level:

Your marriage partner is the perfect one to explore with, to grow and discover new things because you are comfortable with each other. I remember once counseling a couple that (finding out only after some extensive one-on-one deep digging) was so afraid of ruining their sex life because of hidden desires they did not want to share or try with each other. But if you cannot get together with your spouse and try or explore these desires, who else could you possibly feel more comfortable with?

So the next time you hear that marriage is where good sex goes to die, think about the "3 C's" above and remember: sex will only die in marriage if you allow it to die.

-BSYNH

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