Top Five Things to do to a Tied up Partner

Got your partner tied up? Here's how to drive them crazy.

Beginners to power play and BDSM often wonder what goes on once one partner is handcuffed, tied and at the other's mercy. There are certain things that you can do to your partner that help emphasize the dominant/submissive dynamic and can give both parties a fulfilling experience. Here is our list of the top five things to do a partner that is at your mercy:

 

 

Discipline them if they've been naughty

One of the hottest things of a power exchange is being disciplined by the dominant partner. Keep it simple: things like giving a gentle spanking while telling the partner about how they've been "naughty" (dressing up too sexy, teasing too much, withholding sex) is a great way to start. If this is something that works for the both of you, you can look into getting accessories such as the more hard-core paddles or floggers.

Use tantalizing sensations

Drive your partner crazy by getting them stimulated with things like tickling by feathers, running cold ice cubes on sensitive areas or dripping hot wax on the back, chest or pelvis from a candle. Don't bother focusing on the genitals or private parts; areas like the ribs, the neck and back of the knee are super sensitive and will do just fine. The fact the erogenous zones in the genitals are not being stimulated during this will drive them to the brink.

Use a sex toy on them

If you have a sex toy available, you can experiment with things such as nipple clamps, chastity devices or use standard sex toys in an unconventional way (ask them to give a dildo or vibrator a blowjob for your viewing pleasure - great for both men and women). You can also use sex toys to further restrict their senses, such as a blindfold or ball gag, which heightens the sensations in the other areas.

Serve them up as your dessert

Cover select body parts of your partner with whipped cream or melted chocolate, and take your time slowly licking it off. Besides the obvious areas, make small paths over areas of their torso, buttocks and inner thighs, leading you from one erogenous area to the other. Waiting for you to finish up while knowing exactly what will happen will drive your partner to the brink of begging you for release; so be sure to save the best parts for last. Avoid areas like the ribs or other parts that may ticklish, or you may ruin the mood.

Give them slow, tantric oral sex

Topping our list was oral sex (no surprise there) - but this is anything but a quickie. Have fun dragging out the onset of climax on them by giving periods of oral, then pull away to introduce a pause in the action an do one of the items listed above. See how long you can keep them in limbo; the end climax will all the more worth it ... and practice makes perfect. :0)

-BSYNH

 

 

Five Sex "Power Moves" You Can Pull Tonight to Spice Things Up

How to be dominant in the bedroom without necessarily resorting to full BDSM

Power role playing is a great tool for couples to not only spice up their sex lives, but to allow each partner to have a turn in driving the sexual encounter to their liking. The mutual benefit begins with the partner pulling the power move: they get to live out the encounter as to their liking, which is not only good for them but it is also a fun way to show their partner what their preferences and interests are. For the submissive partner, there is benefit as well beyond learning a bit more about their partner's sexual complexion, it is basically a session of stress-free sexual activity where there is no pressure to guess what their partner wants or wondering if they are satisfying them.

 

Often, power role playing is confused as being synonymous with BDSM. While BDSM does use the dominant / submissive roles, it is possible to use more subtle non-BDSM ways in your regular sex life before heading to the sex shop to buy whips and restraints. Here's how you can start benefiting for power sex plays right now:

Stay simple: set a clear rule and give a consequence for not complying.

The first tip to a power play move is setting a simple, clear authoritative rule that puts you in charge. The rule can be something like "now you will do everything I say until I am finished with you". If you feel the response is not enthusiastic enough, apply a small punishment like tugging on genitals, pinching a sensitive area, giving a playful bite or poking a sensitive area (like the back of someone's legs) with your heel. The goal is not to cause pain, but to do something out of your usual stance to show them you mean business. Get your partner to think "whoa - where is this coming from?"

Tell them what you're going to do, and then enforce it.

Once you have set the tone with your partner by the previous step, tell them exactly what is going to happen in as much detail as desired: "tonight, you are taking off your clothes, we will go over here and then I will do this, understood?". As per above, apply the same type of consequence until you are satisfied with the enthusiasm of your agreement. Once the plan is set, you stick to it using your authority.

Physical advantage part one: Undress them while you stay clothed during foreplay.

Strip your partner naked while you keep on items of your choosing (underwear, clothes, lingerie). By having your partner naked in your clothed presence, you are subconsciously creating a sense in them of being exposed, vulnerable as to a certain extent submissive. You get to see / touch / feel all of them, they don't get to for you. In a sexual encounter, these feelings play on their psyche and will enforce the authoritative stance while adding a sense of excitement for both partners as the power playing takes form with a tangible effect.

Physical advantage part two: keep a dominant body language, keep them submissive.

Where possible, maintain physical dominance by using your body stance. This is even more effective when the dominating partner is of lesser physical force as it allows a feeling of extra empowerment to have an advantage over someone who is physically stronger. For example, if you are standing, make it in your plan that your partner remains kneeling or on all fours unless allowed otherwise. You can also forbid your partner to make eye contact with you, face away from you (i.e. standing facing a wall) or be blindfolded so they cannot see what you are doing. If in bed, tell them to keep their eyes closed and hands on the headboard or under their pillow. Maintain these two physical advantages as long as possible through the power role play.

Make them wait.

You proceed at your pace as per what you've set out to do. Add breaks where your partner must wait for you, even better if they are waiting in a compromising situation. Be creative and use pauses to prolong foreplay, administer punishments (stand in the corner for 5 minutes) or fill the evening with non-sexual but scandalous activities to pass the time (while they are naked on all fours have a playful game of fetch with a pair of panties) . Doing so not only makes the power role playing more exciting, but it also makes the fun last longer.

Take my word for it, be sure to try this out!

-BSYNH

 

 



Why You Always Need to Put Your Oxygen Mask on First

A relationship can't work if you can't breathe

While flying back from vacation and unable to sleep on the plane, I was glancing around the silent cabin when I stumbled upon a set of instructions for the emergency oxygen masks. For years I have flown, but some recent events made my mind instantly trigger to a diagram showing a person donning her oxygen mask before helping others (in this case, a child) with their mask. The steps were clear: you place your on first, and then you move on to other people.

What stunned me is that this action, so simple in logic and nature, isn't just applicable to an emergency situation on an aircraft. It is every bit as valid in your life and relationships despite the fact we may feel pressured otherwise. Here's why:

You need to be OK first if you want to be there for others

The reason you always put your oxygen mask on first in an emergency situation on an aircraft is simple: if you wait too long to put it on, you may be incapable of doing it later or for others. In life, too often than not we fear to be judged when we take care of ourselves first: how dare we self-serve before our children, spouses and family, right? But in this case, the mother in the photo puts on her mask first, despite the fact that her child and probably many others around her are at risk and struggling. By doing this, she has made herself OK and can now start to help those around her. In your day-to-day life, and in your relationships, think about how you help others... then think about what state you have to be in to help those people. Being tired, over-exerted, unmotivated, feeling unloved, underappreciated and stretched thin is not sustainable. As much as you want to, you can't help them get their oxygen if you're not first able to breathe freely first.

You'd be surprised at how well others can do on their own

Looking at the image again, I can only imagine how hard it must be for the mother in a real situation to see their child panic due to smoke or depressurization and have to focus on getting her mask on before taking care of them. Oxygen is vital to this child, yet the circumstance dictates that the child must find a way to get along until his mother is ready to put on his mask. The same applies to your life. The people around you may depend on you for many things (support, comfort, reassurance, intimacy among others) and sometimes you will need to focus on yourself for a bit instead of them. It may be hard doing so, knowing that you're focusing on yourself at the same time that others are in need. But know what? They will survive for that little bit. Sometimes they need to dig deep, fight for air and hang in there while you get your metaphorical oxygen mask on and make yourself right.

Ask yourself what are your sources of oxygen

In life, what are your sources of oxygen? What are the things that help you get through tough times and hard points in your life? Look at your relationships, your friends and family, but most importantly yourself. What keeps you happy? What gets you motivated? What makes you feel loved, appreciated, refreshed, optimistic and ready to get up and be the best you can be? Then take the time to get that from the people in your environment, be it your spouse, your children or even your employer. There is no shame in doing that.

 

Nowhere does this simple rule apply more than in a married relationship. Often times, we put many things on hold either for ourselves (to focus on our spouse or a friend) or as a couple between husband and wife (to focus on children or family). We'll lose intimacy, stop talking about things that are fun and that matter to us, stop the things that fuel our passion such as flirting and disrupting our sex lives. Sometimes, there is no choice. Just always remember to reach for that oxygen mask when you need it most.



 

-BSYNH