You've heard it already: 50 Shades of Grey shattered the mystery about the world of bondage and it seems everywhere you turned in 2015 everyone was dabbling in this formerly "deviant" sexual practice. But what exactly makes bondage (or BDSM as the short form of Bondage, Domination and Sado-Masochism) that popular and fun, especially for people in a relationship?
First and foremost, bondage involves trust. Trust of your partner and what they will do with you when you've handed over the key. For this reason, a couple (especially one that has had an extended relationship) is a perfect candidate to get mind-blowing, toe-curling sexual results from BDSM games.
Bondage is essentially a form of an erotic power exchange where consenting partners actively and willfully use the power element in their sex life. The key element (both sexually and emotionally) is that one partner takes the dominant role, and the other is the willing submissive. And this is perfect married couple territory as it combines the element of trust between the submissive and the dominant and encourages communication between the partners. The shape and form can vary and there are many types of fantasies that can be played out. In all cases it must be consensual and safe. While not for everyone, it is something that I recommend every couple should experience with their spouse at least once. So where to begin?
Ease into it
No need to surprise your partner with a red room of pain. Ease into things by talking with your partner and see what they like. Are they dropping hints? Do they sometimes put their hands behind their pillow and make you take control? Communicate, you may be surprised about what you find.
Once you've established some role-playing ideas and scenarios you'd both like to try, start slow with common items (neckties, belts or scarves) before buying more complex accessories, then take it from there.
Use the psychological aspect
Sexual anticipation is a big part of BDSM. The dominant partner should plan out the sexual encounter for his or her partner and then build erotic expectation by dropping hints about what is to come. Nothing is hotter than handcuffing your spouse and make them watch you while you set up; with all they being able to do is wait for you to come and start to slowly arouse them, heart pounding in anticipation.
Dress up and play a role; show a different side to yourself
All that leather and latex in BDSM has a purpose. It adds tactile and visual novelty by changing the way a partner's body feels and looks during sex. Change something about yourself - go with a different hair style (a tight high ponytail screams dominatrix), opt for dark make-up and dress in an edgier bedroom theme rather than sexy and cute. Try a new fragrance or even apply a temporary tattoo. Your new look will set the mood and tell your partner that it's time to let loose and be bad.
Speak the Language
Nothing adds to the depth of the fantasy like having the submissive being forced to call the dominant "madam", "sir" or "mistress". If you are the dominant, bark clear orders for the submissive and ask questions like "I bet you like that?", then if desired administer light punishments to the submissive if the answer is not quick or enthusiastic enough to your liking, or if they break protocol.
Take Control
Restraints add a playful and exciting sense of sexual control for the dominant while the submissive partner revels in erotic vulnerability. Different positions will bring out different feelings and intensity. Spread-eagle on the bed is great while standing with arms latched overhead adds the most novelty. Why overhead? Tying your partner's wrists to a high door hook or a shower rod exposes the sensitive stretch of skin along the sides of the body, which you can tease, driving your partner crazy. While in bondage, order the submissive to do things like standing at attention on their tip-toes or keeping his or her legs wide open while you play in-between.
Sensory Deprivation
Blindfolding, and to a certain extent gagging, is another element of BDSM that couples can adapt to mainstream sex. When eyesight is restricted, all the other senses are heightened. Spray a pair of your stockings with perfume and use them to blindfold him, or have him blindfold you with a necktie that smells of his cologne. Gagging is a more extreme way to assert deprivation of senses; forcing your partner to hold a pair of panties (warm or from the drawer is up to you) in their mouth is a good way to start.
Get physical (in a good way)
Tickling, pinching or experimenting with sensory items like cold ice cubes or warm candle wax (just not on the genitals!) is a way you can give your submissive a full tactile stimulation experience. Playful spanking increases blood flow to the buttocks and genital region in both men and women, increasing pleasure and sensation when that area is stimulated afterwards. Dress-up with your partner and add a role-play element for extra impact.
Predicament Bondage
Predicament bondage can be used as an exciting form of foreplay for your submissive partner. This type of bondage essentially is used as self-stimulation and self-inflicted by the submissive. For example, when tying their hands overhead on a door restraint, apply nipple clamps to the restraint in such a way that the clamps will tug if they are not standing on their tip-toes. Leave them in this position until they agree to concede something verbally or use as a 5-or-10 minute timed punishment for unsatisfactory behaviour while you watch them struggle between resting their feet or their nipples.
Self Bondage
This act involves someone voluntarily putting themselves into bondage, usually to wait for a partner to find and release them at a certain time, or, when done completely solo, using a sort of time-release mechanism such as encasing the key to a pair of handcuffs in ice. In all cases a safety release that the person can activate in an emergency must be part of the setup. Self bondage can be used by married couples several ways. A partner may put themselves into this scenario to surprise the other partner, a partner may give instructions to the other partner to put themselves into a certain scenario and wait to be released, and finally, sometimes a couple will put themselves in double self-bondage, usually in a compromising position where both must find a way to "pass the time" with each other until the time release mechanism frees both or one of them.
There are lots of great BDSM online community discussion forums with detailed information and other members just like you. Feel free to use this article as a starting point and then look at evolving your BDSM relationship with your partner.
-BSYNH
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