Why You Always Need to Put Your Oxygen Mask on First

A relationship can't work if you can't breathe

While flying back from vacation and unable to sleep on the plane, I was glancing around the silent cabin when I stumbled upon a set of instructions for the emergency oxygen masks. For years I have flown, but some recent events made my mind instantly trigger to a diagram showing a person donning her oxygen mask before helping others (in this case, a child) with their mask. The steps were clear: you place your on first, and then you move on to other people.

What stunned me is that this action, so simple in logic and nature, isn't just applicable to an emergency situation on an aircraft. It is every bit as valid in your life and relationships despite the fact we may feel pressured otherwise. Here's why:

You need to be OK first if you want to be there for others

The reason you always put your oxygen mask on first in an emergency situation on an aircraft is simple: if you wait too long to put it on, you may be incapable of doing it later or for others. In life, too often than not we fear to be judged when we take care of ourselves first: how dare we self-serve before our children, spouses and family, right? But in this case, the mother in the photo puts on her mask first, despite the fact that her child and probably many others around her are at risk and struggling. By doing this, she has made herself OK and can now start to help those around her. In your day-to-day life, and in your relationships, think about how you help others... then think about what state you have to be in to help those people. Being tired, over-exerted, unmotivated, feeling unloved, underappreciated and stretched thin is not sustainable. As much as you want to, you can't help them get their oxygen if you're not first able to breathe freely first.

You'd be surprised at how well others can do on their own

Looking at the image again, I can only imagine how hard it must be for the mother in a real situation to see their child panic due to smoke or depressurization and have to focus on getting her mask on before taking care of them. Oxygen is vital to this child, yet the circumstance dictates that the child must find a way to get along until his mother is ready to put on his mask. The same applies to your life. The people around you may depend on you for many things (support, comfort, reassurance, intimacy among others) and sometimes you will need to focus on yourself for a bit instead of them. It may be hard doing so, knowing that you're focusing on yourself at the same time that others are in need. But know what? They will survive for that little bit. Sometimes they need to dig deep, fight for air and hang in there while you get your metaphorical oxygen mask on and make yourself right.

Ask yourself what are your sources of oxygen

In life, what are your sources of oxygen? What are the things that help you get through tough times and hard points in your life? Look at your relationships, your friends and family, but most importantly yourself. What keeps you happy? What gets you motivated? What makes you feel loved, appreciated, refreshed, optimistic and ready to get up and be the best you can be? Then take the time to get that from the people in your environment, be it your spouse, your children or even your employer. There is no shame in doing that.

 

Nowhere does this simple rule apply more than in a married relationship. Often times, we put many things on hold either for ourselves (to focus on our spouse or a friend) or as a couple between husband and wife (to focus on children or family). We'll lose intimacy, stop talking about things that are fun and that matter to us, stop the things that fuel our passion such as flirting and disrupting our sex lives. Sometimes, there is no choice. Just always remember to reach for that oxygen mask when you need it most.



 

-BSYNH