"What is a fun and non-awkward way to set up an adult playdate with your spouse? We have offset work schedules and small children and we have come to the conclusion that if we don't start making more time for each other, we won't be making love anytime soon."
-PR
Planning a date or sexual encounter with your spouse may feel awkward at first. While asking your spouse or communicating directly is the ideal way, it is easy to understand that people may be reticent due to being shy, embarrassed or worried about rejection / putting pressure on their partner. Here are some tips you can use, hopefully one of these strategies will work:
Make your own secret code word for sex
For sex to happen, you need to communicate openly about it, but this is not always possible. Using a code word not only makes asking for sex sound less awkward and more fun, but it allows you to use it more freely with your spouse. For example, in my life we would ask each other if we felt up to "re-arrange the back of the closet" - a phrase we chose as most of my lingerie and toys were hidden in the back of the bedroom closet.
Plan dates openly on your calendar
Being open about reserving time for sex with your spouse means giving queues to your partner that they can see on a regular basis without you soliciting them directly. There are two ways we recommend:
Come up with a way to plan or propose dates with your spouse directly on your family planner or calendar. If it is just you two in the house, attach a sticky note to day with a phrase like "Stay In?" and a heart or smiley face. If you have a family and other people may see the calendar, you can use code words or other symbols. For example, one couple worked with superhero stickers: they would use certain characters to denote days that would not be good for them (working late, early meeting next morning) and other characters to propose a night of hanky-panky. Different characters were code for different types of sex (romantic, quickie, etc). The other partner would acknowledge with a second sticker like a smiley face to let them know the date was on.
Invite your partner to sexy events. Check out printable "invitations" and calendar templates from sites such as these ones from the Dating Divas, or inspire yourself from other examples on the internet and make your own. Leave the invitation somewhere were they are sure to see it when you're not around and leave clear instructions on where to leave the RSVP.
Use holidays or milestone dates to make sexy traditions
Another effective method is to have a recurring tradition of "special sex" for your personal milestones or holidays. Think of birthdays, your wedding anniversary or statutory holidays like the 4th of July and find special sexy things you can do that reflect the spirit of the day. For example, here is a great idea for a sexy Halloween night after-party from our friends at the Dating Divas ... October 31st will never be the same!
Book a monthly "Hot Sex Night"
Other couples find it useful in setting up a recurring monthly date (such as the first Friday of every month) to be something like an "order-in and adventure night". To make this night different and more exciting from your other encounters, take alternate turns in planning the night: i.e. the partners alternate in organizing to order in food and come up with something new to try in the bedroom (position, toy, game).
Try these tips out with your partner and the situation should improve!
-BSYNH
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